THURSDAY JOKES - 209

 

Bundu Tuhan, Kundasang, Sabah, Malaysia.

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."
"Then my wife's father died and left us ten million dollars!"

 

Was that an earthquake, or did you rock my world? 

 

A primary school teacher was instructing her students on the value of coins. 

She took a 50 sen coin and laid it on her desk. "Can any of you tell me what it is?" she asked.
From the back of the room came the answer: "Tails!"

 

A technique to terrorize a Telemarketer!

Tell the telemarketer that you are busy at the moment and ask her if she will give you her HOME phone number so you can call her back. 

When the telemarketer explains that she cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" 

The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"

 

Was your dad a baker? 

Because you have got a nice set of buns!

 

A man and his wife started out in the car after a quarrel. She sat in the back seat and continued to berate him for his faults. In her excitement she pounded on the car door and it flew open. Several blocks later one of their neighbours flagged the man down.
"Your wife fell out of the car back there," he said.

The man looked over at the back seat. "Thank goodness!" he said, "I thought I had lost my hearing!"

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 

 

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, “I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star.”
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from the basement to the attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?”

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5-member bench to hear Muhyiddin’s review bid

 

Former prime minister Muhyiddin Yassin wants the Court of Appeal to restore a High Court ruling acquitting him of four charges of abuse of power in connection with the Jana Wibawa programme. (Bernama pic)

PUTRAJAYA: A five-member Court of Appeal bench will hear a review application brought by former prime minister Muhyiddin Yassin in a bid to restore his acquittal by the High Court of four abuse of power charges last year.

Lead counsel Hisyam Teh Poh Teik said Court of Appeal deputy registrar Muhammad Noor Firdaus Rosli conveyed the matter to parties during case management today.

“The matter was called up and we were informed that Court of Appeal president (Abang Iskandar Abang Hashim) had agreed to Muhyiddin’s request,” he told FMT when contacted.

Last week, Hisyam said the defence team had asked for an enlarged panel as the case involved a serious issue of law concerning the appeals court’s jurisdiction.

The former prime minister’s lawyer said the application was put in for Abang Iskandar’s consideration on April 19.

Lawyers K Kumaraendran, Amer Hamzah Arshad and Low Wei Loke also appeared for Muhyiddin, while deputy public prosecutor Ng Siew Wee represented the prosecution.

This is likely to be the first time the Court of Appeal will assemble an enlarged panel to hear a review application. Such matters are normally heard by a three-member bench.

Hisyam said the court had also maintained the July 9 hearing date previously set for the review application.

The prosecution has applied to strike out Muhyiddin’s application on grounds that it is frivolous and an abuse of the court process.

Muhyiddin, on the other hand, argues that the Court of Appeal’s decision, handed down on Feb 24, was a nullity as it was not conferred with the jurisdiction to hear the matter under Section 50(1) of the Courts of Judicature Act 1964.

A three-member Court of Appeal bench chaired by Justice Hadhariah Syed Ismail allowed the prosecution’s appeal and ruled that the High Court had erred in law in holding that the charges were defective.

“The charges were unambiguous. There is no necessity for the prosecution to give further particulars as to how the offence was committed,” Hadhariah said.

Muhyiddin, the Bersatu president, was charged in March last year with abusing his power as prime minister between Feb 8 and Aug 20, 2021 in connection with the Jana Wibawa programme by seeking to obtain RM232.5 million for his party.

He pleaded not guilty after the charges were read to him before sessions court judge Azura Alwi on March 10 last year.

On Aug 15, Justice Jamil Hussin allowed Muhyiddin’s application to strike out the charges and used his inherent powers to acquit the former prime minister.

Muhyiddin also faces three counts of money laundering involving RM200 million. - FMT

Police probe chaos incident outside mosque in Penang

 

Police have launched an investigation into a chaotic incident that occurred outside Masjid Jamek Sungai Nibong last night, where a car was surrounded by a mob. - Pic credit social media

GEORGE TOWN: Police have launched an investigation into a chaotic incident that occurred outside Masjid Jamek Sungai Nibong last night, where a car was surrounded by a mob.

Video footage of the incident has since gone viral.

The incident took place during the burial of Commander Muhammad Firdaus Ramli, the commanding officer of the Royal Malaysian Navy (RMN)'s 503 Squadron, who was among the 10 individuals tragically killed in a mid-air collision involving two helicopters at the RMN base in Lumut on Tuesday.

Northeast district police chief Assistant Commissioner Razlam Ab Hamid confirmed that police received a report regarding the incident and are probing it under Section 427 of the Penal Code.

He said initial investigations revealed that around 7.45pm, a 46-year-old man, while driving along the road, claimed that his car's right side was knocked by a motorcycle.

He panicked and honked the horn, attracting a crowd that surrounded his vehicle, causing partial damage.

However, police officers and naval personnel on duty managed to control the situation swiftly, he added.

Razlam said that the man admitted he was unaware of the event at the mosque and had honked the horn mistakenly.

He urged the public not to speculate about the incident to avoid disrupting police investigation and maintaining public orderliness. - NST

Report: “Nga’s unpopularity with Malay community could be PH’s downfall in KKB polls”

 

A PAKATAN Harapan (PH) leader said DAP vice-chairman Nga Kor Ming’s unpopularity with the Malay community could cost the unity government the Kuala Kubu Baharu (KKB) by-election.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, the leader told FMT that Nga has given Perikatan Nasional (PN) plenty of ammunition with which to attack him ahead of the polls for the state seat.

Recall that just last month, Nga had come under criticism when he accused UMNO Youth chief Dr Muhammad Akmal Saleh of stoking racial and religious sentiments after the latter had insisted that he would continue the call to boycott the KK Mart convenience store chain over the “Allah” socks controversy despite calls for calm from various quarters.

Nga had also sparked outrage recently when he had proposed to nominate Chinese New Villages as UNESCO world heritage sites, which was met with backlash from the Malay community.

According to the PH leader, PN would likely play up these issues in a bid to win Malay votes in the forthcoming KKB by-election on May 11.

The Kuala Kubu Baharu by-election is being held following the death of Lee Kee Hiong, 58, on March 21 due to cancer.

On Wednesday (April 24) night, DAP secretary-general Anthony Loke Siew Fook announced that Pang Sock Tao will be PH’s candidate for the seat.

Loke said the decision to field Pang, who is also the press secretary to Housing and Local Government Minister Nga Kor Ming, was finalised after considering all qualifications possessed by Pang.

(Pic credit: Bernama)

On this, the PH leader said the opposition will use Nga’s comment on the socks controversy and the Chinese New Villages proposal to attack him, and that whether or not his aide is contesting, PN will certainly use these factors to win Malay support.

Meanwhile, commenting on the strength of Indian voters in the KKB by-election, the PH leader noted that the unity government may lose the Indian vote if several key Indian parties were to integrate their campaign messaging.

“If the Malaysian Indian People’s Party (MIPP), the Malaysian Advancement Party’s P. Waytha Moorthy and Urimai’s P. Ramasamy can put together a coherent narrative, it will be a problem for us,” the leader was quoted as saying.

“With the right message, they could win most of the Indian votes.”

According to the PH leader, it would be “pointless” to seek out MIC’s help in securing Indian support despite the party’s assurance that it would campaign for the unity government’s candidate.

“The Indians have already rejected MIC on multiple occasions. I think something is wrong if the (unity government’s) leadership expects MIC to deliver Indian votes,” the leader said.

Kuala Kubu Baharu, a seat in the Selangor state assembly, has a mixed electorate, with Malay voters comprising 46%, Chinese (30%), Indian (18%) and others (5%). It has historically been represented by Chinese assemblymen. – Focus Malaysia

CAP calls for establishment of Malaysian Charities Commission

 

IN a bid to fortify public trust in charitable organisations and non-governmental entities (NGOs), the Consumers’ Association of Penang (CAP) has intensified its push for the government to expedite the creation of a dedicated Malaysian Charities Commission through legislation.

CAP president Mohideen Abdul Kader underscored the necessity of this action, emphasising its pivotal role in rebuilding confidence among donors while mitigating the risks associated with fraudulent practices or inefficient operations within the charitable sector.

Speaking on the matter, Mohideen highlighted the absence of a comprehensive statute in Malaysia regulating NGOs, apart from provisions concerning charities and charitable trusts as outlined in the Ninth Schedule of the Federal Constitution.

However, he noted that this schedule primarily addresses Islamic charities under the state’s jurisdiction, lacking provisions for their effective administration.

“We call for the state administration to provide for an oversight body for Islamic charities.

“Over the years, numerous requests have been made to the public for funds to build mosques, tahfiz institutions and various other charitable causes.

“Ensuring transparency and authenticity in fundraising is crucial to maintaining trust within the community and guaranteeing that donations are utilised for their intended purpose.

“Implementing mechanisms for verification can play a vital role in achieving these objectives,” Mohideen asserted, pointing out the need for transparency and authenticity in fundraising efforts to uphold community trust and ensure donations are utilised for their intended purposes.

He noted the imperative for Malaysia to enact legislation covering various aspects including:

• the registration of charities;
• the administration and governance of charities;
• the regulation of charities and institutions of public character;
• oversight of fundraising activities associated with charities and other institutions, including the conduct of fundraising appeals, and related matters; and
• establishing such legislation would provide a structured framework for the operation and oversight of NGOs, ensuring accountability, transparency, and effective management of charitable endeavours and public institutions.

Moreover, Mohideen stressed the importance of overseeing fundraising activities to ensure compliance with prescribed guidelines and standards.

“Additionally, it oversees fundraising activities, ensuring they adhere to prescribed guidelines and standards.

“Besides overseeing the operations of charities, this statute needs to be empowered to disqualify individuals convicted of offences involving dishonesty or deception from holding any position within the NGO.

“Furthermore, it should prohibit their involvement in other organisations to maintain the integrity and trustworthiness of the social financing sector,” he said.

Addressing concerns of potential donors, he proposed the establishment of a charities commission website listing registered charities along with their annual reports, thereby enhancing transparency and accountability.

“They can also read the annual reports of the charities. Such would ensure their accountability and transparency.”

Furthermore, the recent endorsement of this initiative by Centre to Combat Corruption and Cronyism (C4) CEO Pushpan Murugiah further underscores the urgency of establishing independent oversight bodies to prevent NGOs from being exploited for illicit activities such as money laundering. – Focus Malaysia

Will PH be able to charm KKB folks with its beauty with brain ‘secret weapon’, XT?

 

Editor’s note: We shall provide this space to Puchong MP and Wanita DAP deputy chief Yeo Bee Yin to introduce her ‘little sister in arms’ Pang Sock Tao a.k.a. XT as the party’s candidate in the upcoming Kuala Kubu Baharu (KKB) by-election.

To re-cap, the Pakatan Harapan (PH) election machinery announced the already ‘no secret” candidacy of the 31-year-old press secretary to Housing and Local Government Minister Nga Kor Ming late last night (April 24).

DAP secretary-general Anthony Loke Siew Fook who unveiled XT as the unity government’s candidate for the by-election slated for May 11 said the decision was arrived at “as part of our effort to highlight young candidates and individuals who are high-calibre and can represent the unity government in looking after the interest of all ethnicities”.

Over to you, Bee Yin.

 

LADIES and gentlemen, may I present you the candidate for KKB, my little sister in politics, Pang Sock Tao (we call her Xiao Tao, XT or 小桃).

It’s beyond my imagination that the seat left by my late big sister in politics, Lee Kee Hiong, is now entrusted to my little sister in politics to defend (XT is chosen by DAP top leaders among many other candidates).

While having differences, both of them share many common traits. They both love the nation and the people as well as being passionate in their pursuit for democracy and social justice.

Both of them are very simple and straightforward people – they mean what they say. They empathise with people – happy when people are happy, sad when people are sad.

They are both very creative – Kee Hiong was creative in developing the ecotourism of KKB and XT was creative in developing Ubah TV in the DAP headquarters and her jobs in MESTECC (the then Ministry of Energy, Science, Technology, Environment and Climate Change in which Bee Yin was the minister) and now at the KPKT (Housing and Local Government Ministry).

While they are not perfect and have their own respective weaknesses, one thing I know of them is that they both give their best and work very hard to whatever entrusted to them.

I am very confident that XT will be able to serve KKB well if she’s elected. So, to the voters of KKB, please give a chance to Xiao Tao to serve you, Selangor and Malaysia and be the voice of the people of her generation (she’s a 90s baby!). – Focus Malaysia

Storm damages 21 houses in Baling

 

BALING: Twenty-one houses around Mukim Siong, Tawar, Pulai, Bakai and Mukim Teloi Kanan were damaged in a storm on Wednesday (April 25).

However, no casualties were reported, according to Baling district Civil Defence Force (APM) officer Lt (PA) Mohd Faizol Ab Aziz.

He said that they were alerted to the incident at 6pm, following which 15 personnel were dispatched to the scenes.

"The incident is believed to have occurred around 5 pm, affecting three houses in Mukim Siong, eight houses in Mukim Tawar, three houses in Mukim Pulai, two houses in Mukim Bakai, and five houses in Mukim Felda Teloi Kanan.

"Clean-up work and the operation to remove trees uprooted by the storm will continue today," he said in a statement on Thursday (April 25). - Bernama